The Best of Both Worlds: Navigating the Dual Identities of AAPI Children
Navigating the space between cultural expectations and personal identity is a complex journey for many Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) children. Balancing traditional values at home with the demands of school can create a unique set of challenges, often leading to internal conflicts and stress.
Balancing Expectations
At home, AAPI children are often expected to uphold collectivist traditional values such as respecting elders, maintaining family harmony, and adhering to cultural norms, which play a factor in shaping their behavior. Conversely, schools encourage individualistic values such as self-advocacy, assertiveness and self-expression. This disparity can be particularly challenging as children switch between these differing environments. This constant transition between two contrasting sets of expectations can be confusing and create tension for children as they balance two identities. It can feel like one foot in each world - one grounded in their heritages and the other shaping them within the Western dominant cultural world.
For many children, discussing emotions and feelings is not common, especially for cultures that emphasize “saving face” or stoicism. This may teach children to bottle emotions and can later result in unhealthy outcomes and increased stress. Many AAPI children experience an identity crisis, feeling torn between the expectations of their family and the social norms of their peers.
Cultural and Emotional Tensions
Years later, I was divided by the conflicting expectations between home and school. It took a decade for former teachers to tell me I was their “favorite student.” My adherence to traditional values earned me this title at school, while at home, these values helped maintain family harmony. This contrast often left me feeling conflicted, questioning, “How Asian am I?” versus “How American am I?”
Many AAPI students face a similar struggle, balancing directness at school—which can lead to quick resolutions and support—with the more reserved communication expected at home. This difference in communication styles can cause confusion and stress.
Understanding Emotional Challenges
In AAPI households, a common issue is the lack of verbal encouragement. Growing up, hearing words of praise like "Good job" was rare until my teenage years. The lack of encouragement makes it difficult for children to feel valued and recognized, even despite their efforts and achievements. Some may feel the goalpost constantly moves, and they never meet their parents' expectations, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
Positive reinforcement is apparent at school. From childhood, we receive prizes and verbal praise. This assists children in feeling appreciated and motivated. The difference between these two sets of expectations highlights the emotional gap that AAPI children may experience between their home and school environments.
Using Media as a Resource
AAPI-centered media, such as Turning Red, can now facilitate conversations about these challenges. The film features a Canadian-Chinese teenage girl navigating family expectations and personal identity pressures. It is a valuable tool for discussing the balance between cultural traditions and personal growth for children.
Younger children may benefit from discussions with Disney's Inside Out as a resource. It contains valuable insights into understanding and expressing emotions. The film depicts how different feelings interact and influence behavior, providing a starting point for discussing emotional experiences.
Supporting AAPI Children
Understanding and addressing these dynamics can help support AAPI children in their journey. Here’s how:
Encouraging Open Dialogue: Create a space where children feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Use films like Turning Red and Inside Out to spark conversations about their experiences and emotions.
Provide Consistent Praise: Regularly acknowledge and celebrate a child’s effort and achievement. Positive reinforcement helps build self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment.
Seek Professional Support: Consider contacting AAPI-focused mental health professionals if needed. Licensed mental health professionals with specificity in AAPI culture can provide valuable support to your child in navigating cultural and emotional challenges.
Navigating Dual Identities
Combining the approaches mentioned in this post can assist AAPI children in balancing the best of both worlds. It can help children feel good about balancing their family expectations and respecting their heritages as well as the demands of their social environments.
An environment where children receive consistent praise, open dialogue, and supportive resources is important for them to build their own identity and sense of self and reconcile what seem to be contrasting sets of expectations. Cultivating this balance early sets your child up for success in terms of being AAPI as well as in the broader social contexts.
Discussion Prompt:
Imagine you're writing a note to an AAPI child navigating the journey of balancing dual identities. What advice or words of encouragement would you write? Share your thoughts in the comments below
