Navigating Communication as a Second-Generation AAPI: Five Essential Steps
This visual diagram shows the five steps for bridging AAPI family communication gaps discussed in this blog post.
Communication is essential in any relationship, but it can become particularly challenging within AAPI households, where multiple generations often live under the same roof. As second-generation AAPI individuals, we face unique difficulties; born in America to immigrant parents, we navigate differing cultural backgrounds and lived experiences. This generational gap can complicate our ability to connect with our parents or grandparents on sensitive issues, such as mental health.
In this post, we will explore these communication challenges and provide strategies for bridging the gap, including insightful videos and practical exercises.
1. Understand Cultural Context
To bridge the communication gap, it is important to understand the cultural context in which your immigrant parents and grandparents grew up. For many, survival was their primary concern, shaped by experiences of political instability, economic hardship, or other challenges.
Survival vs. Mental Health: Traditional AAPI values—such as hard work and respect for elders—often shaped immigrant parents’ worldviews. Mental health wasn’t viewed as a topic for discussion; they focused on fulfilling basic survival needs and building a life for their future families. This understanding can foster empathy in younger generations, who may prioritize mental health differently. Please know that this step can take patience, compassion, and reflection.
Jennifer’s Thoughts on Understanding Cultural Context
As someone on the Chinese second generation side of this blog post, I can tell you this step is tricky. I had a lot of reflection with myself and other resources that prompted me to think about my parents not just as my “parents” but as people who came to America with essentially the American Dream and a few yuan, if any, in their pockets from a country that wasn’t giving them further opportunities in a safe environment. My dad tells me stories of working as a dishwasher to get through graduate school. For him, mental health was not on his mind at that time. Understanding the survival mindset helped me meet him where he was, that even after all this time, he hadn’t left that place mentally.
2. Acknowledge Value Differences
Recognizing the differences in values between generations is crucial for effective communication.
Cultural Disconnect: Immigrant parents often uphold traditional AAPI values, while younger generations in the West are influenced by ideas that promote open discussions about mental health, self-care, and emotional well-being. This value clash can lead to misunderstandings, where younger generations may feel unheard when discussing their mental health needs.
Jennifer’s Thoughts on Acknowledging Value Differences
As someone from the Chinese second-generation perspective, recognizing and acknowledging the value differences between my elders’ generation and my own can be challenging. I felt a range of emotions throughout this process, and learning the historical context of my parents’ experiences has been particularly helpful.
When I was seeking solidarity, I stumbled upon Alan Phan’s video, “The Difficulties of Communication in an Asian-American Family,” which shares his own stories. He explains how traditional Asian values, such as respecting elders and prioritizing family reputation, can create barriers in communication between generations.
I encourage you to take a moment to watch this video and think about how your own experiences may relate to my story throughout this listicle or Alan’s. How might you share your story with your parents to help them understand your perspective better?
3. Recognize Language Barriers
Language barriers often extend beyond linguistic challenges, representing more profound emotional gaps.
Cultural Expressions of Love: Immigrant parents may express love by cooking favorite dishes or providing for the family—while younger generations often seek verbal affirmations. This disconnect can create misunderstandings, where children might overlook the cultural significance of their parents’ actions.
Jennifer’s Thoughts on Recognizing Language Barriers
In a previous blog post, I discussed navigating the dual identities of growing up as an AAPI child and how parents can use that information to integrate that into their parenting style. Where that arc ended, this journey begins. In college, my parents often visited my dorm, bringing clothing to swap out or treating me and my friends to meals. While I appreciated their gestures—it meant I didn’t have to rely on dining hall food—I struggled to understand the deeper significance.
It took me years after graduating to realize that, from their survival mindset, they were providing everything they believed their child needed: food, water, and shelter. Even when I tried to explain how they had overlooked the importance of social and emotional learning, they found it challenging to grasp. This disconnect led to frustration on my part, but ultimately, it required empathy to bridge that gap and genuinely understand their mental headspace—and what it all meant for both them and me.
4. Encourage Open Dialogue
Creating a space for open conversations is essential for bridging communication gaps.
Engaging Conversations: Honest dialogue can help ease misunderstandings and foster deeper connections. Both parents and children should recognize that their experiences shape how they communicate. It's important for parents to listen and adapt, and for children to express themselves clearly and compassionately. The conversations may be challenging, but it's crucial to stay in them. It's okay to feel the need to walk away or even physically do so to regroup.
Patience and Compassion: Second-generation AAPIs must exhibit patience and compassion, recognizing that our elders may lack the emotional vocabulary to express themselves fully. By approaching conversations with empathy, both sides can foster a safe space for emotional expression.
Jennifer’s Thoughts on Encouraging Open Dialogue
Engaging with the steps in this listicle is vital, but understanding your parents’ perspectives may take time. As the “younger generation,” we enjoy our lives and resources because of their sacrifices, which can pave the way for more open conversations.
For me, learning about their lives during my education helped everything click. Practicing self-empathy and compassion for both parties is essential, as this journey isn’t easy. I often felt angry and frustrated, as if we were speaking different languages. At times, it felt like they weren’t meeting me in the middle, and I had to remind myself of their survival mindset.
My mental mantra became, “I have my therapist, and they grew up in survival.” I learned to see them as people, not just sources of frustration. Ultimately, it took multiple conversations to trust their perspectives, especially after all the mental work I’d invested in bridging that gap.
5. Create a Supportive Environment
Ultimately, nurturing a supportive environment helps facilitate effective communication.
Fostering Understanding: By acknowledging the emotional and cultural contexts that influence interactions, families can work toward creating a more inclusive environment where everyone feels heard and valued. This mutual respect can help bridge the gap and strengthen family bonds.
Jennifer’s Thoughts on Creating a Supportive Environment
Sometimes, as second-generation AAPI individuals, it can feel impossible for our parents to meet us in the middle. It may seem like we’re the only ones doing the work.
However, while pursuing my MSW, I was assigned to watch a video of a Tedx Talk called “A Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie that changed my perspective. After reflecting on this video, I realized that creating a supportive environment means taking the first step toward meeting in the middle. When we were young, our parents took the initiative to provide a stable home for us. As adults, we can guide them in fostering a supportive environment.
This process can begin by watching the video below which discusses the dangers of stereotypes and how oversimplified narratives can shape our perceptions of each other. After watching this video, I challenge you to think through the “Single Story” you think your parents may have of you and the one you have of your parents.
DearTherapy Invitation
We invite you to comment below on the strategies you’ve gained from this blog post to bridge the communication gap. How did the videos enhance your understanding of communication barriers in general and within your family dynamics?
